Death Cap

Amanita phalloides


Oh cruel and mocking nature, why do you tempt us with your dark creations? Here we have a fungus whose very name connotes the idea of a jaunty chapeau but it is a filthy lie. You could no more wear a death cap on a rainy day then you could the king of Bhutan. Not only that but they are insultingly poisonous. They dare to make themselves inedible to their betters by shutting down our kidneys and/or livers which, contrary to popular belief, are necessary for our continued survival. The insult does not end there, however! If they limited our consumption to just avoiding them that might be one thing but their very shape and demeanour is so similar to delectable cousin fungi that there is precious little way of knowing if the mushroom in your hand will lead to gastronomical bliss or death at the hands of this sessile assassin. Taking oneself off the menu is one thing; taking others with you is deplorable. There's nothing to be done but fight them with fire and possibly ants.

Also, their scientific name is possibly a penis joke which should be discouraged.

I Judge them: Worthy of extinction. (no caveat, no exceptions, only fire)